awwww-cute:

Today my boyfriend bought a label maker

awwww-cute:

Today my boyfriend bought a label maker

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

dump her

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

dump her

bckyb4rnes:

youngmushroom:

hwatlarry:

  • if you are a vegan
  • great!
  • tell me and i will never serve you meat and/or try to question you about it
  • but if you ever
  • ever
  • tell me that im a killer
  • or try to make me feel bad
  • for eating meat
  • i
  • will
  • eat
  • you

ok but consider this: you should feel bad.

ok but consider this: i WILL eat you

panic-at-the-discount-store:

I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms

great3st:

remember when suite life had a hsm episode and no one thought maddie looked like sharpay

image

obtuse-juice:

you know what guys? I don’t care, I don’t even need mario kart 8. my best friend from the future paid me a visit and gave me this

image

that’s right

the 64th entry in the mario kart series. and I’m the first one to get a hold of it